Ookasha’s story: Finding acceptance through Carer Gateway

Ookasha is a busy mum to three boys aged 8, 6 and 2. She is also a carer for her oldest son, Zohaan, who has autism. Ookasha says Carer Gateway has helped her accept her son’s diagnosis and embrace him for who he is.

Ookasha realised she needed some support for herself at the start of 2020, when Australia was going into its first COVID-19 lockdown. Busy juggling a newborn and a neurodivergent toddler with high support needs, Okasha was feeling increasingly isolated and overwhelmed.

“I love my kids deeply, but I was exhausted, and I kept feeling physically unwell because I was doing so much with my kids,” says Ookasha, who migrated to Australia from Pakistan in 2015.

“I realised I couldn’t do everything on my own, so I asked my NDIS provider for advice. They told me about an organisation called Carer Gateway. I’d never heard of them, and I didn’t know anything about the resources and supports that were available. I honestly thought that they were just going to talk to me, and that would be it.”

Ookasha’s initial contact quickly led to support tailored to her specific needs. Carer Gateway organised counselling and a tailored support package to help her focus on her own wellbeing.

With support from Carer Gateway’s experienced counsellor, Ookasha was able to work through her feelings and accept Zohaan’s diagnosis.

“At the time I wasn’t prioritising my own mental wellbeing. I was constantly feeling guilty and pushing myself to learn more and do more for my son. It was exhausting. When I started getting help from Carer Gateway, things started to make more sense. I felt more connected to Zohaan. I stopped trying to remedy him and started seeing and accepting him for who he really was.”

Looking back, Ookasha can see that some of her overwhelm was task related, and some of it was about grief. She learned to give herself permission to ask for help.

“I first realised that Zohaan was different from other children his age when he was 12 months old. When he received an official diagnosis of autism, it was very hard. I didn’t want a label. I wanted my child to be like everyone else’s, but it was not the case, and I blamed myself.”

Ookasha made the decision to stop working to provide greater stability and connection to Zohaan, and to manage and attend his therapy appointments. She started to share how she was feeling with her husband, and to let him know what he could do to help.

In the years since, Ookasha has enjoyed movie nights and social events organised by Carer Gateway – some with her family, and some without.

“When we go to these events with our sons, we see how other parents are. Everyone has someone who they’re caring for, so we feel less alone. No one is judging me or my son; I can let my guard down.”

Ookasha especially values a friendship with another carer mum that she met through Carer Gateway.

“She shares her stories, and I share mine. And even though our kids are different, we really relate to each other. Parenting and caring for a child with disability can be very isolating because you don’t have the same experience as a lot of other parents,” says Ookasha.

“I wasn’t sure what to expect from Carer Gateway, but I am glad that I took that first step and reached out. I feel very much more confident and at ease.”